


The Second Sun

by LadyBee



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo is a Mess, F/M, Redeemed Ben Solo, Resurrected Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21964330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBee/pseuds/LadyBee
Summary: This isn’t right. You were never meant to be alone.That wasn’t a voice; it felt more like a thought, but it was too gentle and subtle to belong to him. There was nothing remotely gentle about either Kylo Ren or Ben Solo.Precisely why a second soul was necessary...Balance is not singular. It’s dual.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

His eyes opened slowly and his body felt heavy and clumsy. Ben tried to stand up, but the best he managed was to stay sit, as his body swayed back and forward as if he was drunk. When his eyes cleared completely, what he saw was darkness.

It was pure, solid and oppressive. He looked around and tried to find something other than the endless blackness of that place. He almost laughed at the circumstances. That emptiness and absence of hope was a familiar place to him. It was no different from his mask and the persona of Kylo Ren. Darkness was an old friend. His only friend.

_This isn’t right._ _You were never meant to be alone._

That wasn’t a voice; it felt more like a thought, but it was too gentle and subtle to belong to him. There was nothing remotely gentle about either Kylo Ren or Ben Solo.

_Precisely why a second soul was necessary...Balance is not singular. It’s dual._

The gentle thought continued to echo inside his head, making him dizzy and suddenly overwhelmed. What was that place? What happened?

_Don’t you remember? What is your last memory?_

A kiss...The kiss. The face of a woman, the woman he loved. “Rey...” He whispered to himself. He had never been that happy before. He felt whole and absolutely taken by joy until his last selfless act demanded the price to be paid. “Am I dead? What is this place?”

There was no answer for a brief second until a voice spoke, loud, clear and familiar.

“Not on my watch.” Ben turned immediately to face his mother. General Organa walked across the darkness all dressed in white. Her hair partially covered by what looked like a shawl. There was a subtle glow to her as if Leia Organa was the only source of light in that place.

He wasn’t dead. Not really. If he were dead he wouldn’t feel suddenly sick and shaky as she walked toward him.

“Mom...” The only word he could possibly speak at that moment. He wanted to beg for forgiveness; he wanted to cry and laugh all at once; he wanted to tell her how much he loved her and how sorry he was. He just wanted his mother and to go back home. “I...”

“I know.” She replied just like the memory of his father did. What did her know? His sorrow, his shame, his regrets, his love…? Maybe she knew it all and Ben wouldn’t question the Force for reuniting them. “You look so handsome.” She said with a short giggle. “You reminds me of Han at your age. That man knew how to drive me crazy.”

“I can remember this.” He replied as he felt his chest being filled with something warm and fluid. “What is this place?”

“The in-between...” She said calmly as she looked around. “You remember the lesson. Life and death; peace and violence; warm and cold...Between everything...”

“The Force.” He concluded in a hollow voice. “This is the Force. This emptiness?”

“Are you sure it’s empty?” Leia teased him. “It might have felt like this for a long time. We must do something about it.”

Her grin seemed to light up the darkness around them. It wasn’t her smile what magically brought light to that place though. It was the two suns rising on the horizon, revealing endless dunes and painting them gold.

Ben knew that place. Well...Not the actual place since he refused to visit it when Luke first suggested, but the two suns were enough for him to recognize it. Tatooine was no better than Jakku. They were basically the same; a wasteland bathed in golden light, so bright and powerful that it was almost blinding.

Silhouettes started to form and slowly revealed the geography of that place. There was a small rounded house and a woman stood in front of the door with a droid by her side.

“What is this? What is she doing here?” He asked absently. An urge of running to her arms flooded him.

“Seeking and waiting, like she did all her life.” Leia said gently. “She is a good girl, you know?”

“She reminds me of you some times.” Ben confessed. “I don’t know what it is. Maybe her temper, her convictions, her hope…I wish I had more of you in me.”

“You have more than you think. Nothing stands on your way once you find a new goal. That’s me, the hair too.” He couldn’t help a short laugh that came out more like a snort. “She reminds me of you as well. It’s the dyad, I think. Makes both of you very similar some times and perfect opposites in others.”

“Two souls that are one.” He whispered as he watched Rey from a distance.

“She is your anchor. If you had done it for anyone else, there would be no turning back.” Leia explained. “Balance is dual. She needs you as much as you need her and Rey is just too stubborn to let go of either life or you.”

“That means I’ll live? After everything I did, I get rewarded with life?” Ben questioned her with shock. “This isn’t right.”

“If you think life is a reward, think again.” His mother suggested as she grinned at him indulgently. “The past was not erased and you are not an entirely different person now that you came back to the light. The galaxy won’t forget what you did and you’ll have to deal with all the feelings you bottled inside you for so long. Actually deal with it, without lash outs or temper tantrums...Just because you chose the light it doesn’t mean the darkness in you was washed away. It’s still there and it will always tempt you like a drug. Living with this is way crueler than death. Death is simple and easy. Life is the real challenge. It’s how you’ll define the purpose of this bond, this power that both of you have. It’s also a chance at happiness, but again...It’s just a chance, not a guarantee.”

“Is this your way of telling me that I’ll have to fight for her?” Ben questioned his mother again.

“You are used to have everything your way. Rey is not a prize or another relic for you to collect. She will receive you with open arms. Twin souls, dyad, this is just a start. Being with someone, loving someone beyond their flaws and weaknesses, this is the real challenge. I failed it with both Han and you. I can only hope you’ll do better.”

For a moment Ben was silent as he just observed Rey from a distance. The layer of her clothes flowing in the wind, the way the sunlight kissed her skin and the locks of her hair falling around her face. He was suddenly afraid of the uncertainty of the path laid in front of him.

He enjoyed having power and control over everything around him. Maybe that was exactly what fascinated him about Rey; the very idea that he would never be able to bend her or tame her. She was a wild spirit and a force of nature, while he was just a man with blood in his hands.

“What if I fail?” The words came out of his mouth.

“Than you’ll have to figure out what you’ll do next, like everyone else does.” Leia responded. Ben looked at her one last time and saw her slowly fading away.

“Mom!” He called for her and tried to hold her. It was just like trying to hold smoke within one’s arms. Leia smiled at him one more time.

“The Force will always be with you...And so will I.”

His mother vanished in the brightness of the double sunrise, leaving behind her only son with more questions than answers, as always.

As Leia faded, Ben’s own body became more dense and consistent. He could actually feel the warmth of the two suns against his skin and the breeze of the desert. His first impulse was to look at his hands just to make sure that everything was real, or if he was just hallucinating. Ben decided that it didn’t matter after all. If he was there and Rey was there, the only possible alternative was to reach her.

Ben walked all the way with careful steps, as if testing the surface of a frozen river. Those were the steps of a man towards his destiny and not even him could pretend that it meant nothing. It meant the world to him. He had no one and nowhere else to go back to, except for that girl from Jakku.

Another woman approached Rey. Ben was uneasy for a moment as he looked at them talking. It was probably a local asking for information.

“...Who are you?” The elder woman asked. Ben heard only a part of her words, but it was enough for him to start evaluating if that woman was a problem in potential or not.

“I’m Rey...” She said with her usual enthusiasm. The simplicity of a name that spoke volumes without the need of a bloodline behind it. Palpatine’s DNA being a part of her was just an irrelevant detail. Even without it, Rey would still be extraordinary on her own right. “Rey Skywalker.” The second part came like a shock to him.

Why, in the name of the Force, would she adopt that name? Was it her way of finding belonging? A misguided idea of paying homage to Luke? That didn’t make any sense at all, but since the Skywalker lineage had started in that wasteland of a planet, it could actually serve as a temporary disguise. Maybe two descendants of a boy who once lived in that house.

The elder woman left after a while as Ben stood a couple of feet away. The local woman looked at him as she tried to use her hands to protect her eyes from the merciless sun.

“Is that your husband?” The woman asked Rey and for a second Ben froze. Rey turned around to look at whoever was standing there and in one second Ben could admire all the emotions taking over her mind all at once. Disbelief, shock, denial, but most of all joy.

Ben gave a few steps forward and approached both women, trying to look sympathetic and most of all a harmless young man enjoying some time with his young wife.

“Yes.” He replied half breathless with all the overwhelming events that led to that moment. Rey kept staring at him with her mouth partially open in utter shock. “I’m Ben Skywalker. Please to meet you.” He said politely. “I’m sorry. I overheard you and my wife chatting. How rude of me.”

“I was just telling your wife that it has been a long time since anyone visited this place.” The woman answered. “It’s good to see young people around here.”

“I think we must go...” Rey finally said it, like someone who just woke up from a dream. “We are in a bit of a hurry.”

“Yes, yes...I’m sorry for it. It was a pleasure though.” Ben played along while the droid by Rey’s side kept beeping and moving almost hysterically.

The woman just nod and waved them goodbye before she walked away. Rey looked around briefly just to make sure no one else was near. She didn’t say a word to him, she passed him by instead, walking towards her ship. Without any invitation or explanation, Ben followed her back to the Millennium Falcon.

Once he entered that piece of junk of a ship, Ben couldn’t tell what felt more distressing, Rey’s silence or the ship itself, along with the absence of Han Solo complaining about one mechanical issue or another. Everything was just like Ben remembered and yet everything was different, emptier.

Rey closed the door behind them and walked towards the pilot’s cabin blindly. Ben kept following her without speaking, but at some point he simply lost his patience at her silence.

“Will you talk to me?” He asked bluntly. “Rey, please...” Somehow that made her stop and look back to face him properly.

“Are you a hallucination? A ghost?” She finally asked in an annoyed tone.

“Honestly...I don’t know.” Ben answered as a matter of fact. “If you are asking me for a rational explanation for my presence, materialization, whatever you wanna call it, I have none. It just...Happened, I think.”

“You are alive...Really alive or more like Force Ghost alive?” Rey kept babbling those ridiculous questions and Ben thought she might yet pinch both of them just to make sure that everything was real.

“I don’t think Force Ghosts count as alive, but I guess I am. I feel alive. Physically, I mean.” Great...He had suddenly lost his capacity of forming one coherent sentence. “I’m real and I’m here.” For some reason he said it in a way his father might have done in similar circumstances.

Rey still didn’t seem convinced of his sudden resurrection, or whatever was that. She walked towards him with cautious steps until her hands could reach him and touch his face. Ben closed his eyes for a moment, just to savor the glorious feeling of having her near again. Her smell, the warmth of her skin against his, her signature in the Force...It was all real and perfect.

A wide smile and tears of joy took over her face as Rey’s palms kept touching his shoulders and arms with incredulity. Ben finally gave in to his instincts and embraced her tightly. It was real. It was all true.

This time Ben didn’t wait for her to take the initiative. He took the matter into his hands and kissed her as if his life depended on it.

This time he was in command and a chaste kiss that tasted of victory and tragedy wasn’t what he was looking for. Ben could feel his needs burning inside him and consuming his senses. He wanted to devour her or at least make her feel so desperate as he was.

Rey felt small within his arms, almost vulnerable in a way that seemed incoherent with her personality. Ben got a bit carried away by the moment. His hands got bolder as he tried to unbuckle her belt and get rid of her sash. He was alive and he wanted to feel so.

It took a while and a Force push for Ben to understand that maybe he was going to fast. Rey had just pressed her hands against his chest and once she realized it wouldn’t work, she used the Force to push him all the way to the other side of the cabin.

Ben looked at her with shock, frustration and embarrassment. Patience had never been his virtue, but maybe he should consider a more cautious approach. There was nothing remotely ordinary about the whole situation. From resurrection to Force Dyad, there was nothing normal about that odd relationship they had.

He observed as Rey tried to fix her clothes and recover her breath. Her hair was partially down and her lips swollen. That’s it. That’s why he would never be a Jedi. Forget about the terrible temper and the lack of emotional intelligence, Rey was the reason. He appreciated the woman too much to ever consider celibacy. Luke was probably trying hard to not kick his former apprentice for that heresy of a thought.

“Sorry...” Ben finally said. “I got a bit carried away.”

“I can see that.” Rey replied in her burning sense of humor. She was still trying to recover her breath before looking back at him. “We should go slowly.”

“Agreed.” He took a deep breath as he tried to get his mind shut up again. “Can you release me now? I promise I’ll behave.”

Rey’s hand got down and released him from her Force grip. That was the first step for something way more complicated than kissing. They needed to talk. Like really talk about all the things that his sudden resurrection – for lack of a better word – implicated. If he was to be honest, Ben had to admit that he was more of a problem to be managed than a blessing to her.

“We should seat and try to figure out what to do next.” Rey seemed to read his mind and, given their bond, that was a real possibility. “Are you hungry? Can I get you something to eat or...”

“I’m fine. Water would be great since...Tatooine.” He said as a matter of fact. “Don’t bother yourself. I know where I can find it. Can I get you some?”

“Yes. Water is...Good.” Rey said as she took a seat by the table where his father and Chewie used to play games. She observed quietly as he moved around the cabin to fetch two glasses of water.

It was hard not to feel at home as he checked the cabinets and moved around like he owned the place. It was good to have such feeling of belonging and familiarity, although he struggled a bit to find everything he needed since someone had changed the places were the glasses used to stay.

When he came back with the glasses and sat by her side, both remained in silence for a while. How does anyone starts a conversation that feels slightly normal under such awkward circumstances?

“What do we do now?” Rey finally broke the silence as she looked at him waiting for a precise and logical answer he didn’t have to offer.

“I don’t know.” He shrank his shoulders a bit. That was as honest as honest can get. They had a huge problem in their hands and a galaxy eager for his head. “I’ll have to disappear for a while at least. Your friends won’t like me a single bit and I don’t have my mother in the Resistance to intervene in my behalf anymore.”

“That’s right. You’ll need a disguise. Some sort of fake identity, I don’t know.” Rey said with evident distress. “What will you do? You must keep yourself busy, I suppose. At least as part of this disguise.”

“I’ll go with you. Whatever you chose to do now, I guess I’ll just tag along.” Ben said as a matter of fact. Going separate ways wasn’t an option for him.

“How would that work exactly? You just said yourself that the Resistance will never accept you.” Rey pointed with a hint of exasperation.

“Are you going back to them?” Ben questioned with a hint of surprise. Well...They needed to get on the same page.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Rey insisted. “They are my friends.”

“And I am the second part of a Dyad and also the person with who you have a mental bond. If you can’t see how this could turn into a massive problem for you, than I don’t know what to say.” His answer came out a bit grumpier than he intended, but it was still true. Ben took a deep breath before looking at her, almost begging her to understand. “For now you are their friend, but let me explain how it worked once the Republic was restored after the fall of the Empire. Those involved in the fallen regime were haunted down, some faced trial and execution, but some didn’t get the same luck. I don’t think my mother told you what happened to her once it was reveled to the public that she was Vader’s daughter, did she?”

“She never mentioned it, although I often wondered about it.” Rey admitted shyly. “Was it that bad?”

“A nightmare, especially for someone who devoted her whole life to the Republic.” His voice came out heavy and bitter. “It doesn’t matter your intentions or if you were fighting for their side all along. In the end, it just takes one petty rival without nothing but ambition and an information out of context to blow your reputation forever, possibly forcing your friends to present you to court under the accusation of being a spy or something just as outrageous. I don’t have reason to think that this time it will be any different and you have both Palpatine’s blood and me to complicate your life.”

“I have my own plans...” Rey whispered to herself. “I just...I didn’t want to keep my friends out of my life now. I had just gotten used to the idea that they were all the family that I would ever have. To shut them off...That was never my intention.”

“At least for a while...Until people forget that a man named Ben Solo once lived. Let them think I’m dead. Let the Resistance haunt down everyone who ever saw my face in the First Order...At least that mask served its purpose.” It was unfair of him to ask that much of her. It was not his intention to keep her isolated though. He just wanted to keep them both safe. “What are your plans?”

“Find other Force Sensitives. Teach them what I’ve learned.” Rey finally said it. Ben couldn’t say that he liked the idea. “Isn’t it the purpose of a Master? Surely there’s room for improvement. I could use some help. We can find you a crystal and you can make yourself a new saber.”

Rey looked at him with vivid eyes and a hopeful grin. She seemed absolutely confident about his answer. For a second, a brief second, he could see the image perfectly formed in her head. A new temple, with a dozen of children and young adults learning from them. Rey trusted too much and too easily when the wise thing to do was to keep him as far as possible from a light-saber.

Luke’s exile suddenly made sense. Maybe that was the only way for them to stay safe, but at the same time, the idea of modifying the bond in any way was simply intolerable.

“I can help you with the texts. I can support your decision, but I’m not holding a light-saber ever again.” Ben finally said and for someone that had the saber as an extension of himself, those words were almost criminal. Rey must have thought the same, judging by the way she looked back at him.

“Perhaps you should rest and think about all the possibilities carefully. We can discuss it again in the future.” She finally replied with evident disappointment before she rose from her seat. “I’ll set the course to somewhere we can stay for a while without raising suspicion. After so many years, two Skywalkers showing up at Tatooine out of nowhere might stir some curiosity.”

Rey left the cabin as Ben watched her walk away in utter confusion. What did she expected? That he would embrace a lifestyle he once rejected? One that brought him nothing but heartache and tragedy? Besides...His temper shouldn’t be trusted.

The Falcon left the planet pretty smoothly. Ben observed Tatooine fading away just before the ship could reach hyperdrive speed. He looked around for a while, as he tried to absorb everything. Rey had turned that place into her own. She had fixed that piece of junk, cleaned it and even decorated a bit. She turned his childhood’s safe place into a home that wasn’t his. At least not yet.

Second chances were tricky things. Both a blessing and an invitation to disaster if he didn’t watch for every step and every misplaced feeling. The whole conversation felt a bit anticlimactic. For some reason, Ben assumed Rey would receive him with open arms and as eager as he was for a life together. He was done pretending he didn’t love her. He was done pretending that he would consider himself lucky and happy for having her as his wife, or something like this.

Foolish...He would never be anything else but foolish. His mother had warned him about that and Ben was stupid enough to ignore her advise. A dyad, a bond...Those were just the reason why their paths crossed, not a reason for love to bloom. What did he know of love anyway?


	2. Chapter 2

Rey didn’t bother to tell him where they were going to. Ben didn’t really liked surprises, but he faced that experience as an opportunity to exercise trust and to learn how to let go of control. He was back to the copilot seat, helping her instead of his father. There was a bittersweet taste to the whole thing.

She was a superb pilot and already familiarized with the Falcon’s moody carcass, but that was supposed to be his inheritance. It was his childhood dream and reality proved to be rougher than he had picture as a kid. His father wasn’t there so they could have some adventures together. They actually never had it. All that Ben had of Han was a pair of golden dices and unfulfilled dreams of a happy family.

It wasn’t bad to have her by his side instead. It was only different, but inevitably reminded him of his crimes. Ben had no one to blame but himself for that emptiness inside of him. Rey must have sensed it, since she never once tried to address the matter of his father again. Parenthood, bloodlines, heritages, all those things became some sort of taboo between them. They would have to talk about it eventually, but at that moment Ben would rather keep his pain private.

In their awkward bond and given the odd circumstances of his resurrection, they remained silent most of the time, or had their interactions limited to the piloting and all that needed to be done inside the ship. The Falcon gave them a common ground to stand upon. They were both committed to it and could exchange experiences that felt both constructive and safe.

It was like having a sister, except for the fact that the last thing he wanted was to see her that way. How twisted was that? He had wasted most of his life trying to dominate the Force and fighting for power, but he was absolutely disgraceful whenever trying to interact with the woman he loved. He simply didn’t know what to do or say to make it clear that he had come back for a reason. He wanted to be with her and to be one with her in every possible way. Ben had never actually felt that way before.

Until Rey came along, the very idea of sex felt overrated. He was never the kind of man that settled for short-term gratifications and that was exactly how he felt about finding a woman to have intercourse. Well, maybe that was more like Kylo Ren than Ben Solo, but still...Rey had been the only woman to awake that sort of desire in him.

Ben often wondered if she felt the same about him, or if by any chance she had loved other men. Those were dangerous thoughts, he knew. His insecurities kept playing with his head. Did she love him? Did she want him in the same way he wanted her?

Fortunately their final destination appeared right ahead of the ship once the got out of hyperdrive. It was a blue and green planet and it was beautiful when seen from outer space. Ben had seen that planet before in a dream inside a dream. It was in Rey’s head when they first met and his attempt of reading her mind to get the damn map to Skywalker backfired completely. That was it...Luke’s hiding place.

“What planet is it?” Ben finally asked as they entered the planet’s atmosphere.

“Ahch-To.” Rey answered economically, although she was smiling with confidence. “A good place to hide and to think.”

“I imagine that this being a sacred place for the Jedi has nothing to do with your choice.” Ben snorted in sheer sarcasm, just to regret it a second later.

“It was either here or Jakku.” Rey replied as a matter of fact.

“You do know that there are thousands of planets that no one gives a damn in the Outer Rim, don’t you?” He teased and Rey gave him a look that reminded Ben of all the times his mother got him grounded for one reason or another. “I’m just kidding. Better an island than a desert. I’m not exactly fond of sand.”

“I figured it.” Rey didn’t seem angry or annoyed in her answer. In fact she was way more concentrated in landing the ship somewhere safe.

They left the ship and Rey guided both him and the round droid through the place. One thing Ben had to admit; that place was breathtaking and the energy around them was one of peace. All the green, grays and blues of the island were completely different from what he had experienced his whole life. There was nothing of the minimalism and monotony of ships, nor was it a bright city overcrowded and chaotic. It was something primitive and pure. It was a dream of peace, life and quietness.

“We can either occupy the huts or stay at the Falcon. Either way it’s good to walk around so you can get acquainted with the place. Fair warning; don’t mess with the caretakers.” Rey said as they went down a stone track that actually looked like a ladder.

“Noted.” He answered. “Is it wise for me to be seen by this caretakers?” Ben questioned out of precaution.

“I think so. They are native and I don’t think they had contact with outsiders before Master Luke showed up.” Rey had a childish enthusiasm to her tone which he thought to be charming. “I think we might find some of his clothes that might fit you.”

“I would rather not.” Ben snorted.

“It’s not as if we had many options. It’s just temporary until we can find a place to get provisions.” Rey answered in a pragmatic way.

“His trousers won’t cover my ankles and Jedi robes are the last thing I want to try.” He insisted, making her laugh.

“I’m sure we can adapt it. Anyway, it’s not as if there was anyone here to mock you for your trousers.” Rey replied as she tried to muffle her giggles.

“Except for you.” He shrank his shoulders. “I prefer to keep my dignity. Thank you.”

“There’s no dignity in smelly dirty clothes and yours need to be washed.” She snapped back. Wait! Was he smelling? How didn’t he notice it?! For a brief second he considered throwing himself from the cliff out of shame, but that was a pretty stupid reason to throw away his second chance at life.

They finally reached the stone huts and Rey took him straightly to the one Ben assumed to be Luke’s. The place was dark, humid and simple, without any sort of comfort and yet made him feel welcomed.

Rey looked around among Luke’s belonging in search of clothes. Ben had the distinct feeling that Rey was avoiding him. She could barely look straight at his face and she kept moving erratically in an attempt of not paying him much attention. That wasn’t helping with his insecurities a single bit. She finally found what looked like presentable Jedi robes in tones of beige and brown and handled him.

“I think it will be better for you to clean yourself at the Falcon. I’ll try to get us something to eat.” She said and left before Ben could formulate a reason for her to stay and actually talk to him.

In the end he did as she said. He went back to the Falcon to make use of the cleaning facilities. He undress and threw his dirty clothes to the floor carelessly. The warm water felt like a blessing to his muscles but didn’t help him to wash away the frustration he was experiencing since Rey parted the kiss. What was he doing wrong?

A collections of memories of Rey crossed his mind in flashes and her smiles, hazel eyes and energy made it impossible for him not to fantasize about that woman. Her golden skin in contrast with his pale one. His hands on her waist and hips, feeling her body swaying as he kissed her. Her breathless voice calling his name in frenzy.

Ben found relief to his needs as he had done countless times before, especially after one of those furtive meetings through the bond. If he had any doubts that he was alive, that made things clear. His desire for her was very much real and so was his body’s answer to it. Even so it felt frustrating. A pale attempt of emulating the depth of their connection based on nothing but his own expectations about sex.

He finished his cleaning and put on the clothes Rey had found him. Luckily the pants weren’t as short as he feared. It wasn’t the right length either, but it was less perceptible than he imagined. To put on those robes made him feel like a teenager again. It also felt like he was putting back his own skin and his fingers flexed in an instinct, as if grabbing the hilt of a light-saber.

That was exactly the sort of feeling he didn’t want to have. Rey was playing him. She was trying to make him change his mind so he would embrace her dream of teaching a new generation of Jedi, or whatever she wanted to call it. It was painful how much he had missed the feeling of comfort and familiarity those clothes brought him.

“She is clever.” A familiar voice spoke and Ben turned around to face the ghost of his former master staring at him. “I hope you know that she will play you like music and you will bend to her will.” Ben’s face soured almost immediately. “Why the long face, kid? Did you really think you were free from me?”

“One can hope.” Ben replied bitterly. “Your presence here is not needed.”

“Oh but it is.” Luke circled him as if examining Ben’s figure. “They suit you well. You should embrace this chance.”

“I’m not following your steps. I’m not becoming a Jedi Master.” Ben answered angrily. “I don’t want to take sides. I don’t want to abdicate of what I feel for her in order to follow the old religion.”

“And who said anything about Jedi?” Luke snapped back grumpily. “The Jedi should end. Or at least some of their doctrines should. You have the chance to build something new. Something healthy and strong. You may try to fight it, but you can’t deny what is in your blood, Ben.”

“What exactly is it? The madness, the tragedy, the failure? I’ve tasted it all and I’m done with it.” Ben snapped back.

“No. It’s the strong will and the sense of purpose. You have so much of Leia in you, but you don’t see it, do you? We screwed up the galaxy many times, but it never stopped us from trying to correct our mistakes. Repentance without action is just speech.” Luke replied soberly. “A wise master once said that failure is the best teacher. He wasn’t wrong. See you around, kid.” Just like that, Luke vanished.

For a while Ben stood at the same place, staring at the spot Luke had occupied seconds ago. He tried to process the anger, the resentment and the feeling of betrayal he had been brewing for all those years. Things could have been so different if only his master had faith in him. Things could have been so different if Ben had felt connected to something or someone in his young age instead of being treated like a major issue to be handled.

It was no excuse for what he became, although it certainly created the right conditions for Kylo Ren to be born. The descent to the Dark Side is a ladder and each step is given by choice and not arbitrary coincidence. He would never be able to erase, nor to blame it on his family, Snoke or even the Emperor. He had been a lonely kid, with immense power and a feeling of inadequacy that made all the wrong choices out of fear, spite and a necessity to find his own identity. One that was not entwined with either the name Organa, Solo or Skywalker. He wanted to be Ben, whatever that meant.

His flaws and his own feeling of impotence made him look up to a man that was half a legend and half a nightmare. The grandfather he never knew, but heard so much about and not from the right people. The galaxy knew Vader, the forbidden name inside Luke’s academy. What Ben never knew was the man Anakin Skywalker. Maybe if he knew all the truth about that man, his perception of the Dark Side and even the glorious Vader would be very different.

Who was Anakin Skywalker? Did he ever felt as incomplete and insufficient as his grandson? Was he a good man at heart with all the wrong ideas in mind? Those were questions Ben would probably never know the answer for. He couldn’t change the past, who he was and what he did. There was only the present and the future ahead of him.

Ben collected his old clothes and put them to wash, before he left the Falcon. Rey was nowhere near the ship and would probably take some time to come back. That gave him an opportunity to walk around and feel the island. Meditation had always been difficult for him. His head was never quiet so he could focus in the wonderful connection with the Force. For the first time in years he felt compelled to try it again.

The sun was setting and the weather was pleasant and cool. He sat on the floor and felt the grass brushing against his hands before sitting in lotus position. Ben closed his eyes and tried to keep his breath steady, slow and even.

He could feel the breeze and the fading sun; hear the sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks and all the little creatures that inhabited that place; he could smell the moss, the soil and the sea breeze. His mind was finally empty and all that was left was sensations of the world around him. Everything surrounded and bind by a constant flow of energy. Ben felt embraced by it. He felt welcomed and nurtured by that splendorous presence that was both subtle and magnificent.

It was so powerful and so fulfilling that it made him cry. It wasn’t sadness what led him to this. It wasn’t angst and confusion either. It was just the feeling of being home again. All the weight in his heart had been lifted and Ben felt like never before. He felt like himself. His true self.

When he opened his eyes again it was already dark and he saw Rey sitting near him, with a fire already lit as she waited for him to help her with the food.

“How long have I been out?” Ben asked her as he sat by her side.

“A couple of hours, I think.” Rey said as she handled him a basket with mushrooms. “I’ve been here for a while and you were already meditating. I must say that your capacity of focus is amazing.”

“It’s a first for me.” Ben admitted. “I was never good with meditation before, but I felt like trying it again.”

“This place has a very special way of connecting us with the Force. I like the way I feel here. That and all the water and the greens.” Rey said it with a wide grin on her face. “Can you chop those, please?” She asked as she pointed to the mushrooms.

“Sure.” He said before pulling a small knife out of his boot. Rey looked at him with a hint of surprise. “What?”

“I wasn’t expecting for this. I thought you would go inside the Falcon to get a knife or something.” She teased.

“Years at the Jedi camp and following Luke around in some weird trips. I had to learn how to adapt and light-sabers are not that useful in cooking.” Ben explained.

“I thought you were more like a pampered prince used to be served. I didn’t really know what to expect of your survival skills.” Rey said it while trying hard not to giggle.

“I find your lack of faith in my abilities disturbing.” Ben rolled his eyes as he chopped the mushrooms and toss them inside a cooking pot in front of her. “Do you need help with the fish?”

“No, I think I can handle the beast on my own.” Rey answered confidently as she cleaned the fish and removed the bones. “What more did you learn in the Jedi training?” She finally asked.

“I can sew my own clothes, mostly small repairs. I can get them clean as long as I have water. I can keep a living place clean. I could hunt, but I’m not sure how good I am at it this days.” Ben tried to remember other useful skills. “I can fish, although I’m not sure if using the Force to get fishes can be considered as such.”

“This is not what I would have expected of you.” Rey said it once more. “But I guess Luke did well to keep you busy learning other things that are not related to the training.”

“Luke was a complete disaster at all this at first.” Ben muffled a laugh. “He had to learn it the hard way, once he didn’t have his aunt to keep things clean and his belly full. I guess he thought I needed to learn them too. Anyway, he was supposed to be my Master and not my nanny. It’s helpful. I can survive on my own, so...I guess you don’t have to worry that I’ll be a dead weight to you.”

“I never thought that.” Rey replied immediately.

“Liar.” Ben teased her back. They both laughed at that.

They chatted a bit while cooking dinner and it was good to actually interact with a human being in such an easy and carefree way. Just like him, Rey was very independent and used to survive on her own. Being able to have such an ordinary moment with her made him wonder if that was how intimacy felt like.

Beyond love and lust, that was something else entirely. Intimacy was the act of voluntarily show your most vulnerable self and trust another individual completely. He was unarmed, deprived of his name and stripped of his formal power. Ben was nothing but a man that for all intends and purposes was an easy target to anyone who might want him dead. Yet he was not alone, not this time. There was that woman, as vulnerable as him and she chose to trust his change of hearts. Ben knew she would fight for him tooth and nail. He was willing to do just the same for her, but at that moment their goal was to prepare dinner and share a meal while chatting. He liked that.

They ate mostly in silence. Ben wasn’t used to have company during his daily meals and Rey barely breathed between one bite and another. She ate as if the food was about to vanish and it was probably what happened to her in Jakku. Never knowing when or if food would be available. That thought made him uncomfortable somehow.

Once the food was over they both remained in silence, just looking up to the sky and admiring the stars. Ben tried to remember when was the last time he did that.

“How long are you planning to stay here?” Ben finally asked. For some reason he didn’t want their time there to end, but the logistics of the hiding would inevitably send them to another planet. It was up to Rey to decide how long they could afford that kind of peace. She was the captain.

“A couple of days.” She answered. “We will need to get out of here for provisions and finding work somewhere wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

“What kind of work?” Ben questioned out of genuine curiosity.

“Smuggling seems the obvious choice to me. We can trade parts or aircraft and ships. I think this is something both of us understand and...I don’t know what else we could do to get some credits.” Rey was thinking about everything with her usual pragmatism. “What do you think?”

“Sounds like a plan and I guess I can say that I’ve waited my whole life to do something like this.” Ben couldn’t help the laugh. “You should consider the races too.”

“What races?” She looked at him curiously.

“Illegal ones. Try our luck in competitions. I know where we can find some. Is guarantee of easy money.” Ben said with a grin.

“How do you even know this things?” She seemed a bit scandalized with that information. Well...He was the son of a princess, but his father made sure he would know how to break the protocol and the rules whenever needed.

“My father used to take me to this places when my mother was too busy at the Senate. He always said I couldn’t tell her about it, but this is why I’ve always wanted to be a pilot. If you think about it carefully, you will notice that we would make a superb team.” Ben was suddenly confident. He liked the idea of them jumping from one port to another, to make some money at the races.

“I think we can try.” Rey agreed. “We will need a disguise though. Fake identities or something like this. We should think about it together so there will be no conflicting versions of it.”

“I thought we had agreed on Rey and Ben Skywalker.” He finally said it out loud what had been bothering him since their reunion at Tatooine. “Although I don’t think using the Skywalker name to be a good idea. It’s bad omen most of the time.”

“I like the name. It was the family that adopted me anyway. Why wouldn’t you like to use your mother’s surname?” Rey seemed genuinely confused by his sudden reluctance.

“No. My mother’s name was Organa, not Skywalker.” Ben pointed out with a pang in his heart. “She was raised in Alderan as Bael and Brea’s daughter. The only thing she accepted from the Skywalker legacy was Luke. It took me a while to understand the whole dilemma as a child. Anyway, Luke is some sort of legend and this name will raise suspicion.”

“It worked in Tatooine. Do we know if there was any other branch of the family? We could say Luke is a distant cousin or something.” Rey replied quickly. She really liked the name or at least wanted to pay her masters homage at any cost.

“If you like it that much, I think we can keep it, Mrs. Skywalker.” Ben finally indulged her. Rey blushed almost immediately.

“We are married then.” Rey concluded with a bit of exasperation in her voice.

“At least for disguise purposes, yes.” Ben was unsure of how far he could push that debate, but since he was feeling bold… “It could be more than just disguise though, If you want it to. I’m not offering you a throne and the galaxy this time, so...This might influence your answer.”

“I...I...” Rey was suddenly speechless. “Are you...Is this real or I just understood it wrong?”

“I’ve been asking you to have my hand for a while now.” Ben said as a matter of fact. “Yes, I mean it. It’s for you to take your time and decide it though.” He said it calmly before he rose from the floor and offered her his hand to help her back to her feet. “We should probably get some sleep.”

“Right...” Rey agreed as she took his hand.

“I’ll sleep at the guests’ area. You can keep the captain’s quarters.” Ben said it so Rey wouldn’t feel distressed. He wanted her to trust him and to feel safe. Behaving like a hormonal teenager would cause the exact opposite of that.

“Are you sure? Maybe I should stay there and you keep the quarters.” Rey suggested and what he wanted to answer was that they could simply share the quarters, but that would be way too forceful. It was her time and her space, not his.

“I’ve slept there more times than I can remember and Chewie fitted the bed there, so I should be fine. Don’t worry.” Ben answered as they walked together back to the Falcon.

Once they entered the ship and the door behind them was closed, there was a sudden silence that was heavy with doubts and expectations. Ben wondered is he should say something or if it would only make things more complicated.

“So...Goodnight, Ben.” Rey finally said it, making him smile softly.

“Goodnight, Mrs. Skywalker.” He replied in a teasing tone just to see her blush again and give those words to the universe, hoping that fate or even the Force would smile upon them.

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple getting to know each other. I kind of like these little domestic moments and how both Ben and Rey are used to do things on their own. Suddenly having someone else to do simple things, like cooking and having a meal together, feels like an adventure for both of them.  
> I love it that Ben is a guy with a lot of questions. Baby boy is a mess.  
> I hope you like it and reviews are highly appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

The whole situation was somewhat confusing and frustrating. When Ben reappeared out of thin air in the desert of Tatooine, Rey thought it to be both a miracle and some sort of joke. It took a while for her to accept it was all real. Thanks to the Force, to fate or anything else, Ben was tied to her. That was what a dyad was supposed to be, wasn’t it?

For a brief moment of sudden euphoria, Rey had assumed that they would be a team. They had so much in common and it was kind of obvious that there was more to it than just the bond they shared. Perhaps her own inexperience made her believe in something like a bedtime story for children. A perfect union, a love strong enough to conquer death and that was perfect in every single aspect. She didn’t count on the fact that Ben had ideas and issues of his own to figure out.

In a practical sense, they barely knew each other and just making assumptions about what they expected from a relationship was a dangerous path to follow. Rey had been certain that Ben would gladly help her to rebuild a new Jedi Academy. It would be ideal since he had a level of formal training that Rey lacked and his knowledge could complement her own just fine. It sounded like a perfect plan. They both teaching a new generation of Jedi; colleagues, partners, friends and...Lovers.

That was it. Her long years of waiting and need for belonging, for a family, had led her to that state of disappointment at the moment Ben said he would never hold a lightsaber ever again. Just like Luke had done, Ben was willing to reject the Force altogether. Maybe not the Force itself, but the dogmas of both Jedi and Sith.

Why should her expect anything different from him? Kylo Ren had said it time and time again. The past should die. They should kill it if needed be. Although Rey thought of Ben and Kylo Ren as completely different individuals, maybe they had some thoughts in common and that was a bit terrifying.

To a certain level, Rey could see the benefits of them just ignoring the Jedi ways in order to live like normal people. They could try to have a small business, settle in a planet full of greens, blues and browns, with villages and people they could befriend and would never suspect their true identities. She would like that. A life with no more waiting and longing. Rey could certainly be happy with that, but her sense of duty and the respect she had for Luke and Leia would never let her hold the knowledge to herself alone.

Those who learned the ways of the Force, had the responsibility to pass it on. It was both a way to preserve a culture, an ancient knowledge and also prevent that creatures like Kylo Ren and Palpatine would rise again. Anyway, how many kids in need of instruction were out there? How lonely and confused they might feel? Weren’t exactly those feelings that led Ben to the Dark Side? Weren’t those feelings that hurt Rey for so many years?

She would never be that selfish, no matter the consequences she would face. With or without Ben’s help, that was the right thing to do. Maybe a couple of days in Ahch-To would help him to reconnect with the Force and change his mind. Maybe he needed to go on a journey of self-discovery to remember how it was like to be Ben Solo.

That sounded like a plan and that was exactly why she had settled their course to the blue planet. They could spend a couple of weeks there until they figured the next step and until Rey could come up with lies to tell her friends in case of they asked what she was doing and why she wasn’t coming back to the Resistance base.

Ben was right about that...If the Resistance found out about him and the sort of connection they had since the day they first met it would be way too easy for them to conclude that Rey might have helped the First Order somehow.

That would be a disaster and would probably lead Ben to martial court to be judged by his crimes. Although she still struggled with the memories of everything he had done, Rey still preferred to believe in his capacity for redemption and atonement. He was a good man at heart. She firmly believe it.

Ben’s reluctance in embracing the mission of teaching a new generation wasn’t the only thing keeping her overwhelmed. The kiss they shared in the Millennium Falcon kept coming to her mind in the most inconvenient moments, making her all feverish and dizzy.

What was once a concept and a distant fantasy, suddenly became a real possibility. Kylo Ren had desired and lusted over her, to the point of offering Rey the seat by his side as ruler. Ben Solo was no different, despite the fact that he had nothing to offer her but himself. The idea of having a lover – of being his lover – was both wonderful and terrifying.

In Jakku she had limited interaction with other humans, especially men, and she learned from a very young age how to defend herself from unwanted advances. Leaving alone inside the carcass of an AT-AT didn’t give her much knowledge on how to deal with love in a physical way. Rey was very much aware of what he wanted. The problem was that she wasn’t ready to explore that sort of things, not yet at least.

Even so, it was difficult not to think about the possibility of sex when he was near her, looking so handsome in Jedi robes while meditating. It suited him perfectly and made him look receptive and also regal. The Force in him was magnetic and inviting, as if Rey was a satellite gravitating around him.

Her mind was already crowded with all the thoughts about Ben and the sexual tension between them when he decided to approach the matter of fake identities and how they should keep the version used in Tatooine. A young couple trying to find a place to live and start a family, the Skywalkers. It was embarrassing enough discussing it when everything Rey had ever wanted was a family and Ben was painfully aware of it, but when he proposed her with all the words in place, Rey simply couldn’t speak.

That was everything she ever wanted and yet there was some things to be considered. Their goals for starts, but there was something even more delicate. What if they had children? With both Skywalker and Palpatine blood, what would it mean for them to raise children that carried such a legacy? Would Ben ever be free from Kylo Ren, to the point that it would be safe for her to assume that he would be a good husband and father? Weren’t them too damaged to ever consider such a possibility? Those questions kept her awake at night, along with the idea that Ben was so close to her.

The following days were mostly uneventful. Ben didn’t bring back the subject of his proposal nor tried to kiss her again. Most of the time they were either busy fixing something at the Falcon, roaming the island in search for food, or trying to keep mind and body busy with meditation and training. Having Ben around proved to be very convenient in which concerned their domestic activities.

It was a pleasant routine, but Rey knew it couldn’t last forever. She would have to figure out their next step, then feed her friends a bunch of lies to keep them away at least for a while. She would also have to answer to Ben’s offer, but that was a problem she could handle later.

Seven days had passed when Rey received a call. Finn’s face suddenly appeared in the hologram calling her name. Her blood froze for a second and she looked around to make sure Ben wasn’t anywhere near.

“Rey! Rey! Where are you?” He asked. “We’ve been waiting to hear from you, but you vanished for weeks now. What’s going on?”

She stood in front of the holo and tried to act normally. Nothing extraordinary was happening in her life. She was just taking a time to recover her balance and energy. They had to believe that.

“Hey! I’m well. Everything is fine.” She answered friendly and hoping her smile didn’t look fake. “I’ve been to Tatooine for a while, but sand doesn’t agree with me anymore. I decided to visit somewhere else for meditation. I miss Luke and...This kind of makes me feel connected with him.”

“Ok...Are you sure that everything is fine? You don’t look fine to me.” Finn insisted while making a curious face. “Have you been eating well? Being around people? You know...Being alone isn’t good for you. Especially not after so much stress.”

“I need to be alone, Finn.” Rey said it in a heavy tone. “I’m not doing anything stupid, I promise. It’s just...Without Leia, I don’t feel like I belong in the Resistance. Anyway, the war is over. I need to find something to do and keep my mind occupied. I’m meditating and trying to figure out my next move, but I’m not going back any time soon, unless it’s to handle BB-8 back to Poe.”

“You can’t be serious!” Finn was now evidently outraged and confused by her answer. “What about us? We are the closest thing to a family that you have! I refuse to accept this. You can’t be on your own now and help me to believe you are OK, when you tell me that you are not considering to come back. You’ll not go down Luke’s path. I won’t have it.”

“It’s my choice, Finn.” Rey replied harshly. “You have Poe. You found your place and you should enjoy the company of those who love you. I wish I had the same connection with the Resistance, but I don’t. I need to find my own place, or make one if nothing works. I don’t want you to worry. I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it my whole life.”

“Why are you acting like this? Why are you pushing us away? Rey...We are friends and I just want you to be happy.” Finn’s insistence was making everything worst. How could her convince him that she was perfectly safe and happy when everyone else thought she was going through a problematic grieving? Most of all, how could she do it without raising suspicion?

“Have you ever considered that I’m used to be on my own? That I need this time to recharge before I can go around looking for others like me? I’ll rebuilt Luke’s academy. I’ll teach others to use the Force so we won’t have to deal with another Kylo Ren in the future. I either do this, or I’ll be acting like a complete irresponsible. I need you to understand this. I’ll come back when I think it’s right.”

“Fine...”Finn finally gave up. “Just don’t take too long to come back or send news. We worry about you.”

“I’ll do the best I can.” Rey said with a bit of relief. “Bye, Finn.”

Rey didn’t wait for him to answer before she finished the transmission. She didn’t want to keep that conversation going to the point of risking let some crucial information escape her lips. She would have to do better than that if she wanted to keep Finn and the others at a safe distance.

She turned around to leave the Falcon and find something else to do outside the ship, just to face Ben standing by the door. For a second Rey wondered for how long he had been there.

“He won’t give up.” Ben finally said. His voice was calm, low and not pleased at all whit whatever he had heard of the transmission. “We will have to keep moving, if we want your friends to stay away.”

“I know...” She didn’t want to have that conversation, but she knew Ben wouldn’t let go of it so easily. “I did the best I could. It will give us a couple of days to figure out our next stop. Any suggestions?”

“Two, actually. Dantooine, in the Outer Rim, or Naboo.” Ben suggested soberly. He made a pause and looked at her with the eyes of a wounded animal. “I know I have no right to feel hurt about it, but...Do I disgust you? Am I repulsive to you?”

“No! Of course not! Why would you think that?” Rey replied immediately.

“Because you seem to think that Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are two completely different beings, when this is not the truth.” Ben answered her with a bitter voice. Rey could tell he was trying hard not to cry. “There’s only so much I can blame Snoke and Palpatine for. Many of those things, I did on my own. Just because I chose the light and you, it doesn’t mean that all those things were erased. Kylo Ren will always be a part of me and I’ll have to live with this for the rest of my days and so will you if you chose to stay by my side.”

“I know who you are. I can understand you better than you understand yourself at times.” Rey said as she gave a step forward. “You are repented and this is good enough for me.”

“A part of me will always be the monster in the mask that haunted you.” Ben insisted while Rey stood in front of him. She touched his face lightly and she could almost feel his pain as her own. Ben felt ashamed and disgusted at himself for everything he did, but there was this small part inside him that still saw those things as a reason to be proud of. That part never failed to scare her.

Ben knew it too. It was impossible for him to not feel her reluctance, especially after his proposal and Rey’s delay in giving him an answer. Eventually she would have to talk about her fears and everything that gave her second thoughts about them. Rey just didn’t want to deal with that at the moment, just as she didn’t want to deal with her own identity.

This time it was Rey to initiate the kiss as a way to reassure him that she trusted his decision and believed Kylo Ren had disappeared. Ben answered to it with caution. That kiss tasted bitter and unsettling like all the doubts hanging on her head. It also tasted like acceptance.

Ben was willing to give her the time and space she needed, even if it costed him a great deal of self-control. His touch was gentle and his very presence felt warm and welcoming like the ideal home Rey had always projected inside her mind. Ben put her down and parted the kiss after a while. They were both breathless and unsure of what would be the next step.

“Why did you picked those places?” Rey finally asked in an attempt of changing subjects.

“Both fit your preferences for plenty of blues, greens and browns.” He said with a slightly better humor. “No sand, which I believe to be a must. Dantooine has strong connections with the old Jedi religion, while Naboo is...A relevant part of our identities.”

“How so? Is it another one of Vader’s fortresses?” She kept questioning to keep Ben distracted.

“It’s my grandmother’s homeland and also the place where she married Anakin Skywalker.” Ben explained. “It’s also the homeland of Sheev Palpatine, so...You might want to take a look at it to understand who that man really was.”

“I don’t know why I should.” The mention of that name made Rey walk away from him. She had already rejected both the name and the legacy, so why should her care about knowing Palpatine’s home? She had nothing to do with that place. “I don’t know why you thought it to be a good idea to begin with.”

“Because I have a place at the Lakes Country that hasn’t been used for years. It’s safe and could serve for our temporary home.” Ben tried to sound reasonable and ignore his previous statement about Palpatine completely in order to convince her.

“A place where people know your face and your family’s history. I still don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s not even reasonable.” Rey insisted as she walked straightly to the captain’s quarters with Ben following her closely.

“Nobody knows my face there; nor who I am or was.” Ben explained as he entered the quarters. “I bought the place a while ago. I never really had a use for it until now.”

“It’s in the Mid Rim and I don’t feel comfortable being so near to the Core.” Rey’s voice sounded grumpy and irreducible. “I don’t like the idea of going to a place that is so directly connected to everything that is dangerous about us.”

“Is it really the reason why you don’t want to go, or it has to do with something else?” Ben finally asked. She could feel his eyes on her back as he stood by the quarter’s door in a clear respect to her space. “Whatever it is that it’s bothering you...You can talk to me.”

Rey was silent for a moment as she tried to process everything that was going on inside her. It was just too much for her to handle. She missed the simplicity of being no one. Family once sounded like a dream; her heart’s greatest desire. One should be careful whenever wishing for something and now Rey regretted ever wishing for it. Her parents had loved her, but in the end it made little to no difference. She still lived most of her life alone. She still had no one to look up to until she met Han Solo, Luke and Leia. Her life had been one of hardship, waiting, longing and a constant search for her own identity, when in fact the truth of it was a nightmare.

Ben had his own issues with family, but legacy – being it from the good or the bad part of his lineage story – seemed to be naturally embraced by him. Kylo Ren had worshiped Darth Vader and took up the position of his heir apparent. Ben Solo had his own role models to follow. A royal princess of Alderaan and a great senator; the general and smuggler that entered to history as one of the fastest pilots in the galaxy; and the Jedi Master. Ben had reason to look up to them and feel proud of it, while her own lineage was terrifying at best.

“I refuse to accept that name.” She finally said while turning to look at him. “I’ve been tempted before. I’ve seen what I can become and I don’t want it!” Rey clenched her teeth as she tried to contain the tears in her eyes. “I don’t want to know the place he was born. I don’t want to venture anywhere that might connect me with the Emperor again. I’ve wished for a family my whole life, now I think I was better as a no one. I want to be a no one again.”

“I feel the same at times.” Ben answered simply as he crossed the room to get near her again. Rey felt his arms around her along with a serene sort of energy that welcomed her. “You can be whoever you want to be. Palpatine is a name that meant nothing to you for most of your life and it doesn’t have to mean something now. You are still the same to me. The same Rey; the same girl I found in the woods without knowing that I had found my destiny. Naboo is just a place, not a calling from the Dark Side.”

“You had the same vision...You know what I’m talking about.” She sobbed while hiding her face against his chest. “You can’t blame me for being afraid.”

“We both sitting on the Sith Throne?” He asked in a gentle tone as his hand stroked her hair in a tender way. “Yeah...It has a certain appeal to it, I admit.” That rose all the red flags inside her head and made Rey look at him in shock. Ben pressed his forehead against hers and smiled in the same way he did when she first kissed him. “But not for the reason you think. At that point I thought it was the only way for us to be together. My reasons had little to do with power and a lot to do with you.” He kissed her forehead, making Rey feel all warm inside. “The path to the Dark Side is not a fate or coincidence. Every step is given by choice and fear is usually the first one.”

“Was this supposed to help?” Her voice came out full of outrage and sarcasm, making Ben muffle a low and deep laugh.

“It has more to do with how we handle fear than the feeling itself.” Ben said. “You are the bravest person I know, so I doubt some random house in Naboo will do what Palpatine couldn’t.”

“You have way too much faith in me. Sometimes I think you refuse to see my flaws.” Rey smiled at him shyly as she got aware of their proximity.

“I’m just repaying the kindness.” Ben’s voice let his own melancholy to show.

Perhaps it was all about trust. Trust him and his change of hearts and trust herself to be strong enough to make their connection to work in an intimate level, if that was even possible. Rey placed her hands on his chest as her own curiosity reached the surface. It wasn’t about fear, but how she handled it...Maybe it was the same with passion and love. Maybe it was time for a leap of faith.

Rey kissed him once more, only this time with hunger. Ben’s hand blindly undid the buns in her hair, letting it lose and exposed to his touch. It felt releasing and made her own hands bold enough to unbuckle his belt and clumsily removing the layers of his Jedi robes.

There was no doubts about their bond. Being a dyad was in many ways something final. There was no one else capable of giving her a sense of belonging, or the kind of fulfillment he could. Being with Ben and crossing that final line sounded like fate and it was also the exercise of her own free-will by accepting all of his flaws and virtues. Ben never lied to her and even though his past was something he was deeply ashamed off, in the end it was up to her to decide if she could handle it or not.

To touch the skin of his chest and arms made something inside her light up. Rey felt all warm inside and light headed. Ben kissed her neck, making her moan. His hands worked on removing the layers of her own clothes until they were both exposed to each other’s touch.

Her first impulse was to cover her breasts and feel embarrassed. Ben gave her space and a bit of time to understand what would inevitably happen between them. Rey walked all the way to the bed as Ben simply waited for her to tell him what she wanted. What she really wanted from him. That was the most striking different between him and Kylo Ren. While Ben was willing to respect her own pace and needs, Rey had often felt like Kylo was ready to take whatever he wanted from her regardless to her feelings and integrity.

Maybe that was the reason for her reluctance. The memory of the first time they met in the woods in Takodana. Her whole body paralyzed before he took away her conscience. Being tied up, absolutely hopeless and vulnerable as he approached her like a wild beast. His mind pushing against hers, forcing its passage and invading every single one of her most intimate thoughts. Rey had never been so scared, vulnerable and hurt like that moment. For a moment she had no agency over her own thoughts. All that existed inside her head was his face and how he put down every one of her barriers to get the information he wanted. Rey imagined he was still trying to be somewhat gentle back then, since Poe’s description of a similar encounter seemed way more painful and violent, but still...From that moment on, Kylo Ren was the name of her nightmares.

Ben must have felt the overwhelming fear inside her and all the reasons she had to feel terrified of a man that not long ago had told her Kylo Ren would never truly disappear. Ben crossed the little distance between them and knelled in front of her with careful movements. Rey still tried to cover her breasts and avoid his gaze when his hand rested on her knee.

“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” His voice was gentle, but more than that it was understanding. Rey finally summoned the courage to look him in the eyes. How could someone be two completely different beings residing in the same body? The face was the same, but the eyes, the gestures, the way he cared about her were completely different from Kylo Ren.

It wasn’t just his behavior that was different. His signature in the Force was something else entirely. It was bright, powerful, merciless but also...Inviting. It was just like the sun rising on the desert of Tatooine, and the sun setting on the island in Ahch-To. She wanted to bath in that light and warmth. To be embraced by it and feel the belonging she had always craved for.

Rey took a deep breath and tried to erase from her mind all the feelings of fear and impotence she usually associated with Kylo Ren. She focused on what she felt for Ben instead. She focused on the man whose hand she had always wanted to accept and kissed him again.

Ben accepted that she needed her own time to figure out how she felt about intimacy. He played along and allowed her to dictate the rhythm. He waited for her to touch him before he touched her back. His hands followed her lead and slowly they started to get acquainted with each other’s body.

Rey closed her eyes and let her senses guide her. The way Ben kissed her neck; his hands roaming all over her body; the love bites on her shoulders...It was intoxicating. There was nothing hurried about it. Every movement seemed to be analyzed to exhaustion. Nevertheless, the initial urge she had to stop and all the thoughts about Kylo Ren had been banished from her mind.

Ben undressed her piece by piece and kissed every inch of her skin along the way. His long hair brushing against her stomach as he kissed her belly and parted her leg made her shiver in anticipation. His hands grabbing her flesh as if he was afraid she might disappear made it all real. Where once was fear, certainty took over and Rey accept the fact that she had craved for him.

Rey shut her eyes and let a long moan escape her throat once Ben’s mouth found its way to her sex. Ben held her legs above his shoulders, keeping them in place as he savored her eagerly. Rey grabbed the sheet with one of her hands while the other caressed Ben’s scalp.

Nobody ever bothered to tell her how exactly it felt like to be with a man like that. She virtually knew the mechanics of it and somewhat understood it was supposed to feel good. In her innocent mind she figured sex should feel as good as going to bed after a proper meal, or taking a long shower after a day at work. Those were things that always felt good and yet they had nothing to do with that kind of pleasure.

It was violent and blinding. Something like an explosion of rage that allowed her wildest instincts to run free, making her body shake as she howled in frenzy. For a brief second she understood why sex was something forbidden to the Jedi. Pleasure seemed way closer to the Dark Side than she had anticipated. Deliciously instinctive and primal, without space for rationality or thoughts of abnegation. It was freedom and yet their bond never felt so strong before.

Rey had flashes of Ben’s experience. He had been as nervous as her at first, but as they both relaxed and let the instincts guide them, it all felt easy and natural. Hearing her sounds of pleasure had given him a boost of confidence he rarely experienced.

Ben kissed her mouth when Rey was still dizzy and languid. His whole body felt demanding and oppressive on top of her as he tried to accommodate himself between her legs. Rey scratched his back and answered the kiss with savagery. She needed him. All of him.

Ben took a moment to look at her face and caress her cheek as if asking permission to proceed. Rey answered him by pushing Ben to bed and inverting positions. She sat on top of his abdomen as she looked down to his mesmerized face. His hands resting on her hips as he admired her. Rey kissed him back and Ben held her tightly.

Rey guided him inside her very carefully as she observe Ben’s eyes widening. His breath was labored as he grabbed her ass. She took it slowly, overcoming her own discomfort to accommodate him completely. Rey bit her bottom lip to contain her protest when Ben instinctively pulled her down by the hips until he was buried inside her.

They both stood very still for a moment, just trying to breath. Rey was the one to start moving. She swayed her hips slowly until the rhythm felt right. Ben stopped her for a second, just so he could seat on the matters and hold her. That allowed Rey to kiss him and hold to his shoulders as she moved. Ben played with her earlobe and bit her shoulders, making her wild and desperate for pleasure.

Once more she felt that massive explosion. She increased the pace of her movements and at every stroke she could hear Ben growling and breathing against her neck.

She felt it all at once. The pleasure, the pain; light and darkness; life and death...Between it all, the Force binding them and making that knot tighter. Rey felt all warm and bursting with life, as if a new universe had been created inside of her. She opened her eyes just to see Ben surrender to that same unexplainable sensation.

It wasn’t just pleasure. It was the final connection being made. A perfect dyad joined in body, mind, energy and the Force.

Names were suddenly irrelevant. Her soul recognized his as it’s mate. There was no Kylo Ren or Palpatine capable of taint that connection. Ben and Rey were one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so frustrating writing down two adults that have a total of zero sexual experience...I don't like the result of this chapter in particular, but I hope you'll feel differently. I wanted to show a bit of Rey's perspective, especially in which concerns her own expectations about Ben, her difficulties dealing with his past, and her own sexual awakening. I hope it worked.  
> Thank you for reading it and I hope you enjoy it.


	4. Chapter 4

Her eyes were closed and her breath uneven as Ben kept pumping into her. He was close, so close it was almost painful to refrain his orgasm long enough for Rey to reach hers. Her nails left red trails all over his back as Rey finally reached pleasure.

It wasn’t just a physical response from her body to stimulation. That was just a small part of it and it took a while for Ben to understand that. Their minds and signatures in the Force became so similar that it was almost impossible to distinguish one from the other. He closed his eyes and got completely lost in his own climax. Pleasure and sheer energy flew from one body to the other in a constant stream. It was raw and primal, borderline savage, as if they could both taste the Force in it’s purest state.

It was addictive to say the least and potentially dangerous to all the objects around them. They had lost control a couple of times and that sent a vase to the other side of the room and burned some lamps. The Falcon was bad enough as it was, but if they didn’t get a grip over their powers or simply tried to not act like animals in heat, soon it would be impossible for the ship to fly.

They had talked about it and agreed that they should be more careful to not damage the Falcon beyond repair, but not having sex was no longer an option. They decided to take advantage of the beautiful island and its landscapes. It felt amazing, especially when they did it at the cave, but eventually they scared the hell out of the caretakers. It was time for them to find another place to go.

Ben rolled to his side of bed and tried to recover his breath as Rey picked up his robe from the floor and left the bed. She had acquired the habit of using his clothes every now and then. Ben had to admit they looked better on her anyway, although he preferred when she wore nothing at all.

He stared at the ceiling in absolute silence for a while. Those days had felt like being back at Luke’s camp all over again, only this time the one acting like a hormonal teenager was Ben and not his colleagues that would constantly sneak into the woods to enjoy their little affairs. He felt a bit stupid and also annoyed by his incapacity of acting rationally since Rey accepted him as her lover. Luke was absolutely right when he said she would play Ben like music. If she asked him to lay on the floor and let a bantha run over him, Ben would probably look forward for the experience.

Becoming a master was a line he wasn’t willing to cross though. No matter what Rey thought about it, Ben simply couldn’t see anything good coming out of him using a saber again, or taking pupils. How could he teach balance, abnegation, diplomacy and serenity when he had so little of those things in him? Even Rey feared being tempted by the Dark Side and the power that poisoned her bloodline. Why should he feel any different?

It didn’t take long for Rey to come back to bed and lay by his side once more. She pulled the blanket over so they would both be covered by it. Ben kissed her cheek and than her lips lightly, making her giggle.

“I think it’s time for us to leave this place.” Rey finally said. “It has been nearly a month and it’s time for us to find a more permanent place and supplies.”

“Have you decided where you want to go?” He questioned carefully. That question had led them to some needless arguments in the past and the last thing he wanted was for Rey to be unhappy with their new home.

“I think Naboo is the obvious choice. At least for now.” Rey said, taking Ben completely by surprise.

“Ok...Are you sure about it?” He asked for precaution.

“You were right. It’s the practical decision and I suppose I’ll have to come to terms with my own past eventually. Let’s just do it.” Rey said it impersonally. She was trying to be pragmatic about the logistics, but it would take a while for her to accept who she was. “You take the pilot’s seat this time. I’m way too tired for it.”

“It’s not as if I was rested, but I’ll gladly do so.” He grinned at her and at this point it was impossible for him to not feel cocky. Ben kissed her mouth again and pulled her hair back so he could see her face. “No matter what you find out in Naboo, I’ll always be by your side. You won’t face it alone.”

“This is all I can ask for. Thank you for giving me a better perspective of this whole Palpatine thing.” Rey’s voice was serene and yet frightened. “I’ve always wanted a family and somehow this became way more complicated than I thought it could be.”

“I guess this is something we have in common. There’s only so much the galaxy can handle of our family dramas.” Ben teased. “I still think the past should be in the past. It can’t be changed anyway and the only thing we have is the future. Now...Maybe you should give my robes back so I can get us out of this place. I can’t pilot naked.”

“Why do I have a feeling that Han would disagree with you?” Rey muffled a laugh at his scandalized face. What a dreadful thought! Simply gross and yet perfectly plausible. The worst part was the idea that his mother might have played along with it.

“Thank you for giving me a mental image that will make it impossible for me to even think about sex for a week at least!” He replied grumpily as he rose from bed to gather his things. What sort of suggestion was that? That was simply repulsive!

“Have I told you that you look very cute when you are all grumpy?” Rey was laughing out loud at that point and Ben could feel his cheeks burning as he got dressed.

Ben refused to answer that provocation. He simply walked toward the cleaning room so he could wash away the sweat and get dressed. He could hear her laughing from a distant. Ben loved that woman, but sometimes she could get him mad. He was pretty sure his mother was laughing the hell out of him in the afterlife as well. That was still a small price to pay for a second chance at life.

Once he was properly dressed, Ben took the pilots seat and prepared the Falcon to departure. It didn’t take long for Rey to show up, fully dressed and with a wide grin on her face. She took the copilot position and started to work without needs for instructions.

The trip to Naboo was mostly silent. It was kind of stupid to let something so insignificant as a crude joke between them make that moment so awkward. On the bright side, it was better for both to be focused on the task ahead. Leaving Ahch-To and moving to the Mid Rim was a risky move and the Falcon was a famous piece of junk. The Resistance would be able to track them without much difficulty and that was the last thing they wanted.

The tension was palpable until they reached hyperspeed and still there was this fear of one of Rey’s friends trying to make contact. The reality of being an outlaw finally reached him and it made Ben wonder how his father had managed that for so many years. The worst part was dragging Rey to a problem that was essentially his.

“We will need documents.” The sound of Rey’s voice dragged him back to reality. They were just a few hours away from Naboo’s atmosphere and it was time to think about the practical aspects of their plan.

“I know someone.” Ben said economically. “It will take a few days to get the documents, but it shouldn’t be much difficult.”

“This house of yours...Is there anyone leaving in the place?” Rey questioned.

“It’s empty. I bought it in an auction a while ago.” Ben tried to reassure her that the place was safe.

“I simply can’t imagine you buying a house when you were the supreme leader of the First Order. It sounds so...Ordinary.”

“It’s my grandmother’s family home. When I learned it was being auctioned I bought it. Maybe I was just being sentimental, but I didn’t want it to be sold for someone out of the family and...I had my plans for it.” He explained. Ben could feel his ears getting warm as he tried to avoid looking at Rey. That was so embarrassing…

“What plans?” That was exactly the question he hoped she wouldn’t make.

“I was hoping one day you would accept me and we could have this house to escape every now and then. A place to rest and...I don’t know. Start a family perhaps.” Ben rose from his seat and tried to find something to do at the controlling panel just to avoid the topic. Obviously it didn’t work.

“When would you tell me this?” Her voice was soft, if not condescending. What was the point of questioning that when she still hadn’t given him an answer to his proposal?

“I didn’t think it was important to mention. We have more urgent matters to solve.” Ben replied calmly. “I’m more concerned with finding a safe place for us and keep our narrative coherent so we can live in peace. Everything else is something to be discussed in a more appropriate occasion.”

“Were you thinking about children?” She sounded a bit shocked with the idea.

“The circumstances were different. In my arrogance I thought getting you to turn sides was just a matter of time and yes...I was considering it as a possibility. I really don’t know what you thought I was offering you when I asked you to join me.”

“Power was the only thing that came to my mind at the time. Companionship at best.” Rey said as she moved her chair to look directly at him. “I don’t know what I thought. I was worried about the Resistance and in my own arrogance I thought you would be the one to turn. It didn’t really occurred to me that you were offering me a family.”

“I wanted you as my empress, no matter how megalomaniac it may sound. It’s just a fancy word for wife and since my plan was to start a dynasty, children were an integral part of it.” Ben said it in complete frustration. “We should just focus on getting to Naboo safely right now.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea for us to have children?” That question made him look back at her. “I’ve been thinking about it lately...Given our family records, I wonder what are the chances of us failing as parents. Sometimes I think I’m too damaged to even consider it. I can barely handle my own family and I have no reference at all of how a normal family looks like.”

That made a lot of sense in a pragmatic perspective. Even Ben had to admit that her fears were more than just valid. When he first considered a family with her, the only thing he had in mind was an obsession. He wanted her at any cost and he was ready to pay the price. Kylo Ren had been only a child in a mask after all. Even his ideas of love and family were childish.

Those days in Ahch-To had opened his eyes for what it truly meant to be her partner and to balance their expectations and ambitions. Everyday life and the lack of a war to keep them both distracted most of the time was yet another factor to be considered.

“We don’t have to discuss it now.” Ben said as he held her hand gently. “As I said, the circumstances were different. I don’t want you to think that I’m pressuring you in this. I’m not planning to have children now that we just figured that we have...Something. Let’s just...Enjoy a day at a time.”

Rey didn’t feel inclined to continue with the topic. She simply turned her attentions to the panel as the ship got out of hyperspeed. Ben was sure they would get back to that discussion eventually, but he also agreed that they had more urgent things to figure.

They entered Naboo’s atmosphere without problems. Once they were settled, Ben would have to reach for some old acquaintances to get them the false documentation they would need. They would also need a less recognizable ship if they were to stay incognito. The whole galaxy knew the Millennium Falcon and the last thing he wanted was for someone like Lando to pop up just because “that was his ship”.

Rey was surprisingly silent as they approached the Lake Country. Her eyes were fixed in the horizon as if she had been hypnotized. There was this child-like joy in the way her lips curved. Rey was one of those people that smile the whole face lights up. That was probably what he liked most about her.

“Is it green enough?” Ben couldn’t help himself. He landed the Falcon in an open field near the house.

“It’s wonderful.” Rey answered absently before she could jump out of the seat and grab her things without even trying to conceal her excitement.

That had been a day full of ups and downs, but Ben was overjoyed to see that Rey approved of his choice. He changed his jedi robes for his civilian clothes and took the blaster with him just in case. They walked together across the field and it was impossible not to laugh when Rey ran around the tall grass and pointed every flower on their way to the house.

Ben was a bit surprised to see the house for the first time. When he bought it he didn’t really cared about size or even the conditions, but the place was way bigger than he expected. It was a whole villa, with a large patio with a wonderful view and an orchard. He didn’t know what to expect of the Naberrie residence at first, but it was rather foolish of him to not consider the fact that his grandmother had been Queen and then Senator. That place fit perfectly with both tittles.

“If the point was being discreet, this is the last place we should pick.” Rey said as Ben tried to open the front door. “We will need to improve our disguise. You know...Change clothes and blend in with the locals.”

“In my defense I can only say that I had never been here before, so...I didn’t really know what to expect.” Ben said embarrassed. “Looking on the bright side, we have plenty of space and no close neighbors. It will take a while until people figure the new owners moved in.”

“I sincerely hope you are right about it.” Rey said as they crossed the front door.

Rey dropped her bag on the floor and immediately started to remove all the white sheets used to protect the furniture. It felt like she was on a treasure hunt of her own. Meanwhile Ben couldn’t stop thinking about what should be done next. They would need to find provisions for starts and clothes that could help with their disguise.

“Maybe we should look for provisions.” Rey seemed to read his mind as she looked back at him from the balcony. “Is there a local market or a village where we can buy some stuff?”

“I think so. Would you like to come with me or do you prefer to stay here and explore the place a bit more?”

“I’ll go with you.” She said enthusiastically. “Maybe we should recap our story, just in case some gets too curious about the new neighbors.”

“The simpler the better. Also it’s best to stick to the truth as much as possible.” Ben suggested.

“We are the Skywalkers and we just moved into this place.” Rey started to recap.

“Newly wed and traders. We hope to start a new business here selling parts and repairing ships.” He continued.

“Why Naboo?” Rey questioned.

“Because my wife is natural from Jakku and it was either a nice green planet for our new home or I would have to look for someone else to marry.” Ben teased and Rey answered it with a weird face. “Don’t give me this look. You know it’s true.”

“Now that you said it…Where are you from?” Rey ignored his provocation.

“I was born in Chandrilla and spent most of my early years there.” Ben was economic about it. He had no real ties to the planet since he was ten.

“Maybe we should consider change this part. If we are going to use the Skywalker name, then it’s safer to say that you are from Tatooine so we can say Luke was a distant relative or something.” Rey suggested instead.

“You’re probably right.” Ben agreed with a light nod. “Where we first met?”

“Easy. In Takodana. We both stopped there for supplies and fuel and you took me on a charming walk through the woods.” She replied with sheer sarcasm.

“Not my finest moment, I admit.” Ben acknowledge the fact that first impressions had been problematic to say the least.

After a couple of minutes they left the villa and went back to the Falcon. They roamed around for a while until they found a village that seemed to have the provisions they needed for the moment. They stopped by a shop where they could find some clothes too.

Rey didn’t seem fond of the idea of following the local fashion and even Ben had to admit the Naboo to be a bit extravagant about their looks. Even so, for them to walk around dressed like to scoundrels would call for unwanted attention. They both tried to keep it simple, although the sales woman insisted that Rey should have prettier and puffier dresses to suit her looks.

A few hours later, they went back to the villa. The sun was already setting and they would both be hungry soon.

Once they arrived at the villa, both of them were suddenly aware that something was wrong. Ben reached for the blaster after dropping the packages he had been carrying. Rey’s hand grabbed the hilt of her saber as soon as she saw the front door open, but didn’t ignite it. How could the Resistance find them so fast?

They entered the house with cautious steps, but the front hall was quiet. Ben cursed his own stubborn nature for refusing a new saber. Although he was good enough with a blaster, if it came to a fight he would be more useful with a blade in hand. They were a superb duo in which concerned the use of liightsabers.

“Who’s there?” Rey called out. If it was indeed someone from the Resistance, they would be less likely to attack her.

There was no answer for a while, but Ben noticed a shadow moving from the balcony back into the hall. It was small and visibly frail. No particular signature in the Force that indicated a possible threat. The creature walked in with slow steps and the help of a cane. It was a woman, dressed in fine clothes and with her gray hair held in a complex and voluminous up do. Her eyes were light brown and terribly clever. Although her body was clearly old, the age didn’t seem to reach her eyes at all.

“Put this thing down, boy.” The woman said as she walked towards them. “I’m way too old to be a threat and I’m not here to cause trouble. I just wanted to meet the new owners.”

Rey seemed clearly relieved, although Ben wasn’t sure if the woman should be trusted. He put down the blaster and stood alert just in case of a trap.

“Hi...I’m Rey.” She was naturally friendly and sympathetic. Things he would love to learn at some point, but had little hope to achieve. “We just moved in.”

“My name is Ryoo. Ryoo Naberrie.” The woman said calmly. “I was the former owner, you see. I’m glad to finally meet you.”

“This is my husband, Ben.” Rey introduced him with a wide smile.

“Delighted.” He answered shortly.

“May I ask your family name? It will be good for the neighbors to know. Old families and such...We take family names very seriously around here.” Ryoo tried to not sound insistent, but her curiosity was annoying.

“We are the Skywalkers.” Rey answered gently. Those words seemed to light up the old woman’s eyes. Ben immediately regretted agreeing with that choice of disguise.

“Skywalker?” Ryoo looked at the curiously. “Now that’s a name you don’t hear everyday around here. Any connections with Anakin Skywalker?”

Oh for fuck’s sake! That old crone had to know that name! Less than a day in Naboo and that disgraceful name had already given them up. He had to think fast.

“Distant cousin. We never met thought.” Ben replied, choosing to stick to the original plan.

“Funny...I never knew he had extended family. He just mentioned his mother.” Ryoo walked towards a chair and without ceremony took the seat. “Unless you tell me Luke has being naughty, I doubt there was any other Skywalker to carry the family name. You see...I might be old, but I’m not stupid. Why don’t you tell me the truth already so we can have a civilized conversation? I’m hardly a threat to a man with a blaster and a lady with one of those wicked light swords. If the story is good enough, I might even help you with a better disguise.”

“Why would we agree with such a thing?” Ben questioned dangerously. “As you said, you are no real threat to two armed individuals.”

“I’m just an old woman that happens to be fond of stories. I’m also very protective of this place. If you kill me, I have servants that know exactly were I am. My disappearance will only bring the authorities faster. Your corellian piece of junk outside is not really difficult to spot, I guess.” Ryoo said it very calmly. Her voice sounded almost diplomatic. “Now...Will you tell me the truth or I’ll have to guess?”

Rey looked at him as if hoping for Ben to come up with a plan. What was the point in keeping that lie, if the woman had already figured out the truth?

“The real name is Solo.” Ben finally said. “Luke is my uncle.”

“Leia’s boy?” Ryoo seemed genuinely pleased to know that. “Oh my! I knew there was something terribly familiar about you. Your face is much like Solo’s but everything else is just...Have anyone ever told you that you look like him?”

“Like who?” Ben was starting to lose his patience with the woman.

“You grandfather.” Ryoo said. “I almost thought I was seeing ghosts when you both entered the hall. It reminded of the time Anakin visited the villa. And the girl...Oh well. Maybe it’s just my memory trying to find similarities. You see...Senator Padmé Amidala was my aunt.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll like it and reviews are highly appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

Rey seemed to be taken by her own curiosity as Ryoo reveled her connections, while Ben was completely torn between indulging his own curiosity and distrusting the woman completely. He couldn’t tell how far she knew about him and his past, nor what sort of feelings she might have for the First Order. Ryoo exposed them far too easily and it made Ben wonder who else in that planet had known his grandfather.

“Please, have a seat.” Ryoo said as she pointed to the chairs in front of her. “It’s not everyday that I get the chance to talk about this.” Rey was fast to obey, while Ben stood up a while longer, still unsure of what to do. “I see you are not easy to trust.” Ryoo pointed it with a sarcastic tone. “Probably a wise trait.”

“Did you knew Anakin Skywalker well?” Rey questioned the woman before Ben had the chance to say a word. Ryoo smirked at her.

“Just from his brief visits. He never stayed long and most of the time the official story was that he was here to protect my aunt or in missions for the Jedi Council.” The old woman said gently. “He was hard to forget though, especially for a child as impressionable as I was. One could say that Pooja and I had a painful crush on him, but then...It was difficult not to like Anakin. He played games with us and indulged us in everything he could. There was something childish about him too. Anakin trusted easily and lost his temper with the same capacity. He married my aunt in this very house, at the balcony. It was a secret affair we only found out much later.”

“Does anyone out of your family knows about it?” Ben finally spoke out loud. He needed to know how dangerous it was for them to stay in Naboo for long.

“I don’t think so. At least not anyone that is still alive.” Ryoo said. “I would like to keep it this way, if you don’t mind. Naboo already has too many sympathizers of the Empire coming in pilgrimage thanks to Palpatine. I wouldn’t like to have my family involved in Darth Vader’s story as well.”

Ben lowered his head a bit. It was impossible not to feel ashamed for his name and blood. Most of all it was impossible to not feel ashamed for his own stupidity in thinking that following Vader’s steps was the answer to his conflicts. The effect of Ryoo’s words was just a sample of what he would feel for his whole life.

“Did you knew Palpatine as well?” Rey’s voice brought him back to reality. She was looking at Ryoo with the same shame he felt. If only he could make all that vanish...Ben deserved the punishment, because in the end no one made the choices for him, but Rey had no fault. She didn’t even know of her connection to Palpatine a couple of month ago.

“Not really. I mean...He visited occasionally, but I was a child to be kept out of the grownup’s conversations.” Ryoo seemed uncomfortable with that question. “My grandmother used to say he was a true gentleman. I suppose it’s true. He was very clever too, since he served as my aunt’s adviser. Nobody suspected the man. For all intends and purposes, he was the perfect citizen.”

“Is there any extended family left?” Rey asked.

“Not that I know. He was an old bachelor, as devoted to the Senate as the Jedi were to their Order, I suppose. The sole son of a very prominent family and the last of his lineage.” The last part seemed to bring relief to Ryoo. “Now...What brings a young couple like you to this place?”

“I bought the house in an auction a while ago, to keep it in the family. Now that we are married I thought it would be a good place for us to live.” Ben told her, sticking to the truth as much as he could. “I had no idea that I still had relatives here.”

“I’m the last one, I’m afraid.” Ryoo smiled at him fondly. “My sister and your mother were colleagues at the Senate and then great friends without knowing about our blood ties until the fall of the Empire. How is Leia this days?”

“My mother passed away a month ago.” A knot was formed on his throat and it took every drop of self control in him to not break down in front of that woman.

“I’m sorry to hear that. She was an extraordinary woman.” Ryoo answered sympathetically. “A woman of strength and also surprisingly warm and friendly.”

“That she was.” Ben agreed before feeling Rey’s hand holding his in support.

“Being her son, I would assume that you would follow her steps in politics.” Ryoo pointed. “Now that the First Order is gone it’s time for new leaders to step forward. You certainly has the right name for it. The Naberrie name can also open a few doors for you, although being a son of Alderaan should be enough.”

“What?” Rey seemed a bit surprised by the suggestion. There would come a day in which Ben wouldn’t be reminded of his family’s legacy and all the expectations involved, but apparently that wasn’t the day.

“I have no political inclinations.” He answered fast. “I would rather have a peaceful life and have my own family. My mother’s steps are impossible to follow anyway. There won’t be another Leia Organa in a long while.”

“With that much I agree, but I’m sure you’ll eventually notice that democracy is our family’s call. It’s hard to ignore it when we are summoned to defend it. Even Anakin was sworn to defend the Senate as a Jedi. Whatever Palpatine did to sway him to...How do they call it? Dark Side? Whatever it was, it doesn’t change the fact that Anakin was a good man at heart. Fear and power are a dangerous combination, but you are your mother’s son. This shouldn’t be a problem for you.”

“We just want to start our own business. Trade parts and such.” Rey intervened. “I don’t want Ben venturing in politics. It sounds dangerous and it would keep him away for far too long.”

“Sometimes we just can’t deny what’s in our blood, my dear.” Ryoo smiled at Rey indulgently. “But...If trade and commerce is what you want, I’m sure I can help with it as well. I just suggest you to think about the Skywalker name… It’s not a good disguise if you want to have a discreet life. You should adopt my name. I had a nephew that lived to explore the Unknown Regions and unfortunately he passed away a few month ago. He wasn’t known around here. I’ll be more than happy to have a new nephew. You’ll be able to have the life of a true citizen here.”

“This is a very generous offer. Thank you.” Ben said soberly. “Do you know how we could acquire documentation here? I mean...The kind of things we might need to live a civilian life and open our business.”

“Leave it to me. I’ll contact a few friends that might help with it.” Ryoo said as she rose from her seat. “I must go now, but I’ll be back soon. There’s much you children must learn about our ways. Oh I’ll love to help you with it. Especially you, my dear. You have such a lovely face and a gracious body. We must find you some clothes to highlight it. I won’t have my niece walking around looking like a scavenger. I’m sure I still have some pieces from my youth that might suit you well. I’ll send them tomorrow and we will have a lovely day together.” Ryoo said with her vivid eyes set on Rey. His wife was positively terrified of every word said.

“It’s not necessary. Really. We just bought some clothes and it would be a waste.” Rey tried to reason with the woman, but Ryoo swayed her head negatively.

“Oh no! I insist. We might not be a fancy society like Chandrilla’s and the other Core Words, but we do value aesthetics. A bit of vanity won’t hurt you. Pragmatism is good for business and politics, but we should be allowed to have some fun as well.” Ryoo giggled. She was delighted with the idea of tormenting Rey with all the Naboo rituals of beauty. Ben tried hard not to laugh at Rey’s expression of utter distress.

Ryoo left the house looking ten years younger. As Ben observed the old woman go away he tried to figure how he felt about her. His more rational side insisted that they should leave Naboo as soon as possible to avoid exposition. Ryoo Naberrie could be a spy and she certainly had some sympathy for the Resistance. On the other hand Ben felt tempted to learn more about his grandparents and be a part of a family again.

Rey seemed to have issues of her own to digest. She was unusually quiet during dinner and for most part of the night. Ben supposed it had to do with Palpatine and her own family. Although Rey seemed to be very straightforward and open to conversation, Ben noticed that she often kept feelings to herself. It made things complicated and more often than not he felt left in the dark.

Whatever was bothering her, Rey simply wouldn’t tell unless he approached the matter directly. Her mind revisited the same thing over and over again, keeping her awake and restless. That night Rey simply couldn’t sleep and it inevitably got him worried.

“Will you tell me what is bothering you?” He finally asked while turning the lights on. Rey was seated on their new bed, with her back resting against the headboard while her eyes were lost in the horizon. She had kept the windows open and the breeze was gentle and cool. Rey was anywhere but that room.

Ben sat on bad and looked at her with evident concern. He held her hand in silence while waiting for an answer.

“I think Naboo was a bad idea.” She finally said. “I don’t...I don’t think we will fit here.”

“Is it because of Ryoo?” Ben asked calmly. “We can try to keep her at a safe distance.”

“It’s not this. I mean...She is annoying, but I can survive an old lady dressing me up like a doll.” Rey said. “I don’t even understand why I’m feeling this way. I just…I want to run away.”

“Is it because of Palpatine?” That was the name they had been avoiding like the plague. Rey closed her eyes and looked up to the ceiling for a second. “I like to think that despite of our bond, actually talking to each other is a healthier dynamic. What exactly is bothering you?”

She was silent again. It didn’t sound like a good thing. Rey hugged her legs and hid her face. Instead of talking, her body language spoke volumes. She was shutting him off, just like the day she refused him for the first time.

“Please...” Ben said exasperated. “Talk to me.” It was when he heard a sob. Rey was crying and that was enough to send a wave of panic all over his body.

Ben held her in his arms and pulled her body closer to his. Rey hid her face against his neck and cried. The idea of using the Force to peep inside her head was suddenly tempting, but Ben knew better than to cross that line. He let her cry as much as she needed. Given everything they had been through, it was a surprise neither of them had crumbled down until that moment.

After a few minutes she calmed down. Her breath became even and she tried to dry her eyes with the back of her hand. That made her look like a child that just had a nightmare and needed desperately to feel safe. Ben kissed her forehead and fondled her hair gently in an attempt to sooth her.

“Will you tell me now?” He insisted.

“I dreamed my whole life about my family.” She said in a heavy tone, with her voice horsey from crying. “I had this foolish dream that I was somehow important. My life was a big secret. I suppose this is what orphans tell themselves at night when they can’t sleep. I wanted to be part of a family like yours. To have parents that were famous...Heroes even. When...When you said I was nothing, that my parents were of no consequence whatsoever...That broke me beyond repair, but also freed me to be what I wanted to be. I was nothing...I was no one from nowhere and yet I had fought the First Order. I had saved my friends and learned from both Luke Skywalker and General Leia. I would not die a no one. I was important on my own right and family was just something I could built later.” She paused for a second and Ben could feel all the anger and sadness in her coming to surface. “Knowing what happened with my parents and why they died...It was good to think that I wasn’t abandoned. They loved me and did everything to protect me. I am important after all. It’s in my blood. I have a famous relative...A legacy to look up to.” Her voice was suddenly bitter. “All of Ryoo’s talking made me angry and scared at the same time. Your uncle and grandfather were great Jedi Masters. Your mother and grandmother were Senators...You have a call of your own and soon or later you’ll stop denying it. The closer I get to you, the more I’m reminded of our differences. I get jealous of the life and family you had. I get angry at you for ever considering you weren’t loved. It breaks my heart to think of everything I was denied and in the end I’m doomed to carry the shame of being a descendant of Palpatine. Democracy is your family’s call. The Force is your family’s call...If that’s true, what is my call in this?”

Ben tried hard to not let her words hurt him. He had no right of feeling so because...Rey was right. He had everything and still managed to twist everything inside his head and destroy his family and his life. Her anger was reasonable. It was even fair that she felt so outraged and envious. That conversation wasn’t about him though. It was about her. It was about her own issues with family and the uncertainties of the future.

Ben held her tighter. He wished there was something he could say to make all those feelings of abandonment, anger, fear and jealousy go away. He wanted to promise her everything would be fine and she was no longer alone. They would build a family of their own and be happy together. Nothing of that would help though. Rey would still need to figure out the importance the name Palpatine would have in her life and what it meant to descend of such a man.

“I wish I had the answer for this.” Ben finally broke the silence. “I had my own issues with it. Most of them keep following me. I...I didn’t know Darth Vader was my grandfather until a few years ago. It was a messy affair and it certainly made me feel outraged for being kept in the dark about it. My mother...Luke and my father were the only ones who knew the truth. To the public my mother was Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan and daughter of Bael Organa. It was a scandal when the truth was reveled to the public. Nearly ruined her career and I found out about my grandfather along with the whole galaxy. I guess I was never the same after this. I won’t tell you what you have to do about your family. I don’t even know what to do with mine. The only thing I can promise is to be by your side and support you in your decision.”

They stood in silence again, just holding each other for a sense of security and belonging that both craved so desperately. Ben leaned his head and kissed Rey’s lips tenderly. How funny it was to live a life as ordinary as that. Their fears had nothing to do with wars and politics that would define the destine of the galaxy, despite of what their names suggested. They had been afraid of not being loved, of not being enough on their own and, most of all, of what family really meant to them.

He felt Rey relax within his arms as he deepened the kiss. His hand slowly sliding down her shoulders the sleeves of her nightshirt. Rey didn’t try to stop him as his hands got bolder. She laid on her back instead and helped him to remove his own shirt. Her fingers traced the scar on his neck and chest, making Ben shiver. That was her mark, the prof of her undisputed domain over him.

Fuck Palpatine and all that talking about legacy and family. Rey was an empress in her own right and Ben was more than happy to bend the knee and submit to her will. She was the most generous mistress and pleasing her was a mission he would gladly fulfill.

Rey’s legs were wrapped up around his hips. Her nails clawed his back, leaving a blood read trail of wild passion. She closed her eyes and threw her head back as her body arched under his. The little sounds of pleasure and her soft moans were like music to his ears.

This time there was no hurry. The lack of experience no longer interfered with his capacity of keeping control of his body. Ben wanted her to feel loved, worshiped, adored. They danced to that primal song. The synchrony of their movements, the bond formed between them...Sometimes Ben struggled to believe it was just the dyad speaking. He believed in the Force and all its might, but there was their will as well. They had chosen each other, despite of all obstacles. He would chose her time and time again, until stars fades and the galaxy fell apart.

When they were both exhausted and numbed by pleasure, Ben held her in his arms and kissed her face. Rey stood silent for a while as she played with the locks of his hair and looked at him with dreamy eyes.

“Have you ever considered following your mother’s steps?” The question suddenly came out and Ben thought about it for a while. That had never felt like an option to him.

“Not really.” He finally said. “Being a Force Wielder and all...Becoming a Jedi always felt inevitable. Why?”

“I don’t know...” Rey shrank her shoulders slightly. “You look smart enough, I guess. Maybe you just remind me of your mother. Perhaps if she had taken you under her wing and prepared you for Senate, maybe things would have been different.”

“It always felt a bit tedious to me.” Ben confessed. “But I guess I could be a somewhat decent Senator. I kept thinking about my mother during the whole time I called myself Supreme Leader. I kept asking myself what Leia Organa would do.”

“Did you find the answer?” Rey questioned with a sleepy voice.

“She would stay in charge just long enough for a new Senate to be assembled. Then she would renounce the tittle and handle power back to the people.” Ben said.

“Would you do the same?” Rey insisted in her inquiries.

“I never had the hope and optimism she had. My mother trusted people, but I don’t. I like being in control of everything and this is why I so often feel like I have none. I might have given up and building a new Senate in the end. It would taste like defeat, but soon or later I would admit that my mother was right.”

Rey grinned at him and closed her eyes for a while. She yawned a coupled of times and tried to find a good position to finally sleep. This time it was Ben who lost sleep and stood there, looking up to the ceiling.

When he decided to try to sleep, Ben turned to Rey’s side and held her from behind. His hand rested against her stomach for a second and his mind was suddenly flooded. Everything was blurred, but he could hear Rey’s voice calling his name and begging someone to let her go. Someone indistinguishable was holding her as Rey cried. The whole scene was distressing enough, but one tiny detail made his blood freeze. Rey’s clothes were loose but her discreet round belly was still very much perceptible.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it and reviews are highly appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> A few considerations: I don't watch either Rebels or Clone Wars, so I'm not following exactly the concept they use for the World Between Worlds. Here it's a limbo, without much sophistication, but can be accessed by Force Wielders and Force Ghosts.  
> I have some strong feelings against TROS and for a while, I kept wondering if I really wanted to work with the new canon points the movie brought. Rey Palpatine...I hate it, but I'll try to elaborate on it as best as I can.  
> Last but not least...Although I love the concept of the Dyad and the Force Bond, we are talking about two characters that don't actually know each other in a practical everyday sense. They have a connection and are drawn to each other, but it takes more than this for an actual commitment and a relationship.  
> My goals? Star Wars feat backward Marriage Story.   
> I hope you like it and reviews are highly appreciated.


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